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Vampires and zombies… oh my, oh my! - Sequoyah County Times: Columnist Sally Maxwell

Vampires and zombies… oh my, oh my!

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Posted: Friday, October 5, 2012 3:42 pm

Vampires and zombies…I don’t get it. Many people seem to be enamored of vampires and zombies now days.

Well, I am watching the Presidential Debate right now, but not in reference to vampires and zombies.

Anyway, I don’t believe in vampires and zombies. I never met a person who was either one, I don’t think. Not that he or she would confess or anything.

Two incidents prompt my consideration of vampires and zombies. It seems gals like vampires and guys like zombies, especially in Your TIMES office. And then Daughter announced last week (and I have no idea why) that, “I don’t believe in ghosts!”

OK. Didn’t know exactly how to respond. As far as I know I’ve never met an earthbound ghost either. Did Daughter announce non-belief in ghosts because the Halloween holiday draws near? Had I mentioned ghosts in our conversation? Don’t remember doing that, but it might have escaped my memory. I have found that memory does fade with age, maybe sort of like a ghost.

I had to come up with a response to her declaration. But I was taken aback. All I could think of was, “I don’t believe in vampires and zombies either.”

Daughter shot back, quite enthusiastically, “Oh, but vampires are so much fun.”

Huh? Ghosts are out, but vampires are in? No, Daughter was just voicing her interests in all the recent vampire fiction that seems to have entranced the nation, or perhaps even the world. I tried reading a bit of vampire fiction. I was not impressed. In the fiction piece I read, the teenage girls had heaving chests just because a good-looking guy with really big canine teeth was standing nearby.

Good-looking guys are OK, but large canine teeth don’t do much for me.

Still, vampire fiction can be entertaining and I don’t begrudge those who like it, like Daughter, or the authors who get rich writing it.

It’s the zombie people who really amaze me. Well, I guess if zombies really did exist, we would all be amazed.

But what in the world is going on with this zombie craze? Even Your TIMES newsroom has a zombie sign posted on the wall.

I think it says, “Warning: Please don’t feed the zombies.”

And our guys in the office often discuss zombies. Why? I don’t get it. That resulted in a search of the Internet to discover just what the attraction was.

It seems the Zombie Craze (since it really exists it will now be capitalized) began with video games. Then the gamers took to the streets, in full zombie regalia, just for fun of course. Or maybe they hadn’t paid their electric bill.

John Sudworth, a reporter for the British Broadcasting Corp. (BBC), reports that about 3,000 zombie-dressed-and-decorated live folks were ambling through the streets of Brighton, moaning and groaning as they went.

They did it for “fun” one zombie said. He said some like to jump out of airplanes, but he preferred his fun on the ground, while wearing zombie makeup.

Zombies are turning up all over the place, it was reported. Zombies now make their own films, which are then posted on YouTube. People are even dressing up their garden trolls as zombies.

Whoa. I’m way behind. I haven’t even got a garden troll yet and now I find out that if I did have one I would have to dress it up in zombie clothes.

Sudworth then reports that zombies are so popular in Britain that universities are adding classes on zombies for students. E-e-w.

The walking dead, he reports, may be related to the economy. Young people are finding it so hard to get a job that they are choosing an alternative lifestyle — as the walking dead.

Well, that’s sad. Maybe they should just move back in with mom and dad.

Another website blames the Zombie Craze on a virus, or biological warfare, or television, or a sinister alien plot. I tend to blame boredom. And this has been going on for almost two years. How could I have missed it? Maybe I’m not bored enough.

They report men like zombies because zombies are more manly than vampires. Well that’s better than liking a man for his canine teeth.

For those interested, get a copy of  “The Zombie Survival Guide” by Max Brooks. I’m sure it will tell us all there is to know about zombies, not that I really wanted to know in the first place. An Internet search reveals there are all kinds of fun things — at high prices — to save us from the zombies, and stuff somebody’s pockets with cash.

The only time zombies did anything to me was years ago when spouse insisted that he and the pregnant me see the movie “The Night of the Living Dead,” which is, of course, all about zombies. That movie has become a cult classic. But after seeing it way back then, I blame it for my youngest child’s two-week delayed entrance into the world. What child wants to enter the world where it appears a long line of zombies is waiting on him as a snack, not as a bouncing baby boy?

No. I don’t believe in vampires or zombies, I don’t think. Yes, they can be entertaining for all those interested. But I’m not interested. Come to think of it, I’ll just stick to ghosts.

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