Yes. I’m an NFL fan. More particularly, I’m a Chicago Bears fan.
And the NFL season has begun. We will now sing the “Hallelujah Chorus.”
Since I’m a Bears fan, I get to say “Da Bears” as much as I want to. I have navy-colored shirts with orange lettering. I have old posters of quarterbacks who just play golf now. I can spell Ditka. That’s Da Bears former player and coach Mike, for those not in the know. Even better, I can spell Urlacher. That’s Da Bears linebacker Brian, for those not in the know.
Da Bears. They beat the Super Bowl Champion New York Giants in pre-season. I watched the whole thing. I won’t say how they won. You NFL fans know how they did it. It wasn’t pretty. Da Bears play rough.
Da Bears. Voice goes up on the first word and down on the second word. If you don’t say it right, you are not a true Bears fan.
Da Bears. Uh, wait just a minute here. The bears!
While winding my way through the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation (ODWC) Website last week, seeking fun stuff for our Big Basin Outdoor Guide, I came upon the ODWC Photo Gallery. That was fun. (Check it out. There’s lots of fun stuff there from hunting and fishing to bird surveys.)
I found the photo gallery on the Web site, and scrolled down through all the photos looking for any from Sequoyah County. There were kids with turkeys and kids with deer, but nothing from here. That is nothing showed up until the very last photo.
Uh — a bear?
Yep. Taken Aug. 15 in Sallisaw! What? Yep. Right here in Sallisaw, Okla. — a big, black bear right here. Oh my.
National news has been full of black bear stories recently. I really liked the video of the black bear that just strolled into a hotel lobby looking for a free meal. I did NOT like the recording of the woman screaming “There’s a bear in my house!” to a 9-1-1 operator who made her repeat it. Made me want to ask what part of “bear-in-house” the operator did not understand. Seems black bears have gotten hungry, due to the drought, and come looking for vittles to fatten up for the winter sleep-over, also known as hibernation.
I got concerned. I bet bears in houses do the same thing bears in the woods do — anything they want.
I looked at and inspected the doors on my house. I watched closely as the TV news showed doors ripped off hinges and claw marks on what remained of wooden doors that now resembled matchsticks.
I thought, ‘I gotta’ get a gun. I gotta’ get pepper spray. I gotta’ get steel doors. I gotta’ get help.’
I have a lotta’ gotta’ gets.
But I gotta’ face it. If a black bear knocks down and comes in one door at my house, I gotta’ get out the other door. And I gotta’ remember to take the truck keys and cell phone. Maybe the gun if I ever get one. Oh the other hand, I may forget the keys and phone if a bear is coming in one door, causing me to rush out the other.
And what about house dog Penny and house cats Nutter and Holly? Penny will run. Nutter will hide. And Holly will probably try to give the bear a kiss. Sorry house pets. You may be on your own this time.
Obviously I’m in a total panic about possible bear intruders. Right this very minute chairs are piled up at the front and back doors, and iron bars brace both the patio doors. But I fear all a bear would have to do is stand up and push, and all my fortifications will crumble.
What am I gonna’ do, call Bear Busters? Is there such an organization? The telephone numbers of both the county’s game wardens are now programmed into my cell phone speed dial list, and I’m gonna’ visit with 9-1-1 to make preparations. If I call to announce there’s a bear in the house, please believe me and don’t ask me to repeat it. I’m pretty sure I won’t have time for that. Just send help!
And not Da Bears. Somehow I think that not even my favorite rough-and-tumble football team, if they were on the premises, would be much help.