What do I need?

I was sitting at our kitchen table talking to a friend. I asked his views on a state senator who after being stopped for allegedly running two stop signs refused repeated requests to show a driver’s license.

Following some discussion, I ask, “What was she thinking?”

My friend responded, “Just being passive aggressive.”

I slapped my forehead with my palm and thought, “Of course! Aggression flourish in our society.”

Over the years I have clinically evaluated any number of aggressive folks. I always found typical human behavior to be more interesting than atypical.

Further, I believe simplicity yields the most satisfying and understandable explanations of such behaviors.

Aggression rises from hostility, hostility rises from frustration, frustration rises from attempts at need satisfaction which rise from need arousal. Aggression is a behavior and hostility is an emotion.

Our conversation continued and the question was ask, “What do we need now we didn’t need in the caves?”

The answer was, “Not much.” “Huh.” If frustration arises from our efforts to satisfy our needs then we have always been frustrated. You’d think we would have gotten better at that handling needs thing by now. But we haven’t. And I can build a good case that says we have gotten worse.

We have physical needs and psychological needs. I can also built a nice case that says our physical needs have been rather stable over the centuries. Our psychological needs, not so much.

The purpose of aggression is to reduce my hostile feelings. I get hostile when I encounter difficulty satisfying a need.

If I become thirsty and I’m standing next to a working water fountain I experience little delay in satisfying my need. Therefore, I experience little to no frustration. However, if I push the button and the fountain doesn’t work and I have to begin to delay satisfying my need for water – you get the picture.

Now that I’m frustrated, what do I do? Beyond hostile, I might also get anxious and depressed. Well, today I’m just talking about hostile.

Let us assume that I blame my problem on “the water guy”, I can seek him out and verbally or physically assault him. Direct aggression. Or I can just kick or hit the drinking fountain. Indirect aggression. My hostility is reduced but I still don’t have a drink.

Passive Aggression is behaving aggressively through a refusal to cooperate. We can become creative, sophisticated and unrelenting when it comes to being uncooperative.

Vicarious aggression. Reducing our hostile feelings by watching others behave aggressively. The Romans had their coliseum and their gladiators. We have our NFL, our horror movies, etc.

I once ask a class, “What is NASCAR without a wreck?”

A student responded, “A disappointment.”

Truth is so had to tell, it sometimes needs fiction to make it plausible. –Sir Francis Bacon

Hal McBride writes a column, Just Thinkin’, published each week.